Tonight the husband is out and at a sports bar. I am not gonna lie, it is extremely hard for me to have him gone. I am sitting here driving myself crazy wondering what is going on. My experiences as a wife that had their husband go out sucks. My ex husband had multiple affairs on me which makes watching my current husband go out a little more difficult. I am do not try to be a controlling wife by any means... I know that he needs some him time... I mean in the year and 4 months we have been married he has not gone out one time... yes 7 of those months he was serving our country in Afghanistan... but still. As I am sitting here... I am trying to think of the last time I went out.. wow! It's hard to believe that it has really been almost 2 years. I have just... stayed home with my kids. I am pretty sure no one reads my blog but me.. and that is ok... not that I know how people get to read it or become a follower or any of that... but sometimes... I just need someone to listen... and unfortunately that someone is a computer. Man, I really am sounding like a pathetic loser. But! On the plus side... I think I am going to start running. I recently started crafting which is oober fun... but I think I need to run. Not to mention, I am out of shape... who knew someone as skinny as I am can actually be out of shape. A boring night of blogging... oh well... I guess I will try to think of something cool to talk about at a later time...
Until we meet again!
Two Hearts Forever ONE Love
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Should we or shouldn't we??
The hubby and I have been discussing lately whether to get re-stationed somewhere else or stay here aboard Camp Pendleton. I really think that it is time I experience more to life and have a change. I have been in California my entire life and know no different. North Carolina could be really good for us/me. I am just so scared that my three kids from my previous marriage wouldn't be able to come therefore making it so that I would not be able to relocate myself. I am not willing to be away from my husband and take my daughter away from her father for a few years.
You may ask how I feel comfortable taking my other three away from their dad but there are many reasons. First, I have primary custody of them and they only see their dad every other weekend... about 5 days out of every month... Two he is getting married... and its not the fact that he is getting married because that part I could careless about.... its to who. I don't care that it is to the woman he had an affair on me with... I don't even care that it is the girl he left me pregnant for but what in fact bothers me is that it is the same girl that did drugs with my children in the home. What if one of them had gotten a hold of them. Yes, I understand she went to rehab... but it was for the third time. I just cant fathom as to why you would want to expose your children to a person like that.
He is a good dad in the fact that he loves them... he pays his child support and what not... but in the sense of actually being a father... he is horrible. He could have O.D'd my at the time one year old when he couldn't not only not follow simple instructions from me but couldn't even follow directions on a bottle... giving my one yr old 4 tbls every hour of cough syrup instead of giving him 1 tsp every four hours... then just the other day not paying attention to his daughter when I told him I thought she was getting a bladder infection and did nothing... when i got her back two days later took her to the doctors and she had a urinary tract infection. It was a total wtf moment and how can you not pay attention when I told you...
So, I guess my point is this. How can a judge not let me go??? How can he tell my infant who sees her dad every day of her life "Sorry you will not be able to see your dad because these kids who only see their dad a few days a month is more important" I don't see it happening... but it in fact could and that terrifies me.
I guess now it is time for me to end this and get off my booty and go clean some more while the baby is napping.
Until next time!
You may ask how I feel comfortable taking my other three away from their dad but there are many reasons. First, I have primary custody of them and they only see their dad every other weekend... about 5 days out of every month... Two he is getting married... and its not the fact that he is getting married because that part I could careless about.... its to who. I don't care that it is to the woman he had an affair on me with... I don't even care that it is the girl he left me pregnant for but what in fact bothers me is that it is the same girl that did drugs with my children in the home. What if one of them had gotten a hold of them. Yes, I understand she went to rehab... but it was for the third time. I just cant fathom as to why you would want to expose your children to a person like that.
He is a good dad in the fact that he loves them... he pays his child support and what not... but in the sense of actually being a father... he is horrible. He could have O.D'd my at the time one year old when he couldn't not only not follow simple instructions from me but couldn't even follow directions on a bottle... giving my one yr old 4 tbls every hour of cough syrup instead of giving him 1 tsp every four hours... then just the other day not paying attention to his daughter when I told him I thought she was getting a bladder infection and did nothing... when i got her back two days later took her to the doctors and she had a urinary tract infection. It was a total wtf moment and how can you not pay attention when I told you...
So, I guess my point is this. How can a judge not let me go??? How can he tell my infant who sees her dad every day of her life "Sorry you will not be able to see your dad because these kids who only see their dad a few days a month is more important" I don't see it happening... but it in fact could and that terrifies me.
I guess now it is time for me to end this and get off my booty and go clean some more while the baby is napping.
Until next time!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Joining the blogging world...
Although, I would like to pretend that I know what I am doing when in fact I have no clue. Tonight, I am trying to figure out how to set up my world of blogging which I have no idea how to do. Apparently in the past few years I have really became computer illiterate. I decided to start a blog after reading my friends. I figured why not? At least I will be able to talk and get out some anger or frustrations or just talk about something that had made me happy in that moment of time. In reality though, I do not know why I am bothering because I am probably going to be the only one that see's this... But that is ok too. I decided that I needed to start doing more things for myself.... me time. I cook, I clean, I raise children... it is the same tasks day in and day out. I love my life and family but I just feel like... well I can't even describe that. Lol. I am envious of woman who's homes are sparking clean and who have all the motivation in the world. I think I need more of my own self discipline but in order for me to have all of this I need more energy. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who is tired every day. I am trying to better my life and grasp the woman and mother that I have always wanted to be. I know it's not going to happen over night but hopefully soon.
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